Sunday, October 23, 2011

Desi Techie.. dissected

The desi techie ..  usually the Newton of his village, the chamakta taara of his community, and what not. Five years into this world and you start seeing patterns of people, patterns of managers (yeah managers are not people). I have the uncanny habit of interviewing people and getting deeper into them (thats what she said)
There are some intersting observations I`ve seen across all these years .. Usually most of the people fall into one or the other category..

Child prodigy
This person was introduced to computers during school-days. The time when a person is influenced the most. When others were busy with video-games, he wondered how they worked inside. He was the one who knew how to do complex things like "formatting the machine", "Cracking" popular softwares and games.
Usually all they do is google the term in simple english and then follow the steps. These guys are the one who survive phone-book changes, not because they are popular but because they are the one whom you can call when the printer gets stuck at the 11th hour of submission. They are one of the very few people to have balls to "pull out the pendrive without safely disconnecting" and not losing any data. They are the people who remain virgins till their parents find someone.

Medical reject
I wanted to become a doctor, I wanted to serve the humanity, but humanity played a dirty joke on me and last week I finally threw away my childhood "doctor-doctor" kit. Then my dad finally convinced me to take admission into Engineering. These people become sentimental whenever MBBS is mentioned to them.
They are lousy coders. They usually end up in QA teams.
kidding.

For the Moolah
Mechanical/civil core engineering company: 1.6 lpa. Tinfosys 2.4 lpa. Hail Tinfosys!! Fuck all the 4 years spent in learning fluid dynamics, Design of diesel powered asswipes. Engineering was always for better salary, more dowry and aukaaat.

Comp Engg has more chicks
Many fathers give "permission" to their daughters to become engineers only when its Computer or Electronics. Electronics enginners are a interesting bunch of engineers I will deal with separately. As they say in the other branches there are males and non-males. So having some females in the campus gives a rare boner. Hence Computer Engineering. The career goal is to increase the chances of having female friends in the college and later in the companies. Period

The Electronics engineers:
Electronics and telecommunication. I have never understood till date why the hell is this branch of engineering so popular. Almost 95% of all the placements are in IT. Their proudest moment is when they do something in C++. They will come up to the computer guys and boast "we also know programming".

The coolcat from the Tier-1 college
These guys. They are from the IITs, RECs and the "government" Engg colleges. The best thing about them is that they belong to these colleges. They are eager to reject anything which a usual guy will do. If the usual crowd throngs to the Cafe coffee day, they will go to the chaai tapri and pretend to be cool. If the chai tapri is crowded, they will climb a tree and have tea.
Their trick is to use some mathematics. Even a tiny tinge of mathematics is enough to give nightmares to the average citizen of the democratic country. (The undemocratic ones have lot of other abuses to worry about)
"Oh to actually give the optimized out-put,  the right way is to use Bayesian prediction using machine learning"
That trick works for most of their lives.. till they encounter another Tier-1 person :P

The underdog from Tier-3 colleges
Basically Tier-2 is bullshit. There exists nothing like that. Tier-3 colleges are the one run by local construction tycoon or politician. The crappiest of the infrastructure. You still pay 50000. You get value of 5000. They basically know that you have no other option. Either you are a north-indian or your parent dont trust you enough to send you to a better college outside town.
During placements, they select Tinfosys over TechMN just because the former has presence in 22 countries and the latter has only 18.
They are totally impressed by the "fluent english" speaking hr personnel and their stupid videos about innovation and teamwork and how they represent the progressive Indian youth.
Usually the industry project is actually done after paying 5000 to a local computer institute. There are usually 1-2 people in a classroom who can actually code. Others mug up the code for practicals. They all want to go on-site asap. Their college hero is the one who ends up in the US/ UK in 3 months of joining the company.
They dont know "why" do they want to go onsite.

The MS from USA
Usually the extension of the previous group. A sad fact is that all the pretty girls are taken up by the NRIs. How much ever idiot the person might be, how much ever ugly he might look, he gets a awesome deal here. Unfair unfair!
Partyyyyyy. All the people who have spent their teens surfing the mardi gras websites. They think its easy to get laid there. I have seen people pumping it up at the gym just months before going there, but ending up just to give themselves a longer fap time.
Apart from this motivation some people, who have seen discovery channel all their childhood, whereas others were watching ftv and actually getting a better deal. They fantasize that all america is NASA and Microsoft Research labs. They dont think twice about the college they are getting into. Amrika it is.

The MS from Bits Pilani correspodence
Arey baap re. The moment the joining formalities are done, this course is introduced. Pay some huge amount. Dedicate all your future weekends for doing a crap course. A course which everyone know is crap. People join this course just to get the MS tag and to fall into the category above.

The NRI
The galli ka hero. The family pride. The one who has successfully conquered america. There are tales in the family how the american company depended on him for their survival. How the visa officials tried to stop him from being successful. In the 90`s they were invited to their schools and colleges to give speeches, to give inspiration. In the 2000`s they were pestered by relatives and neighbours and friends to recommend their son/ relative to get into the usa.
He is the person who has an awesome laptop/cellphone which you can only dream of. He comes for a week, books a flat, chooses a bride, and vanishes for honeymoon. He can cook good food. He usually does not believe in caste system. He hates bribing. He believes men and women are equal. These qualities vanish once he stays around for around for more than a month.

The NRI turned desi Swades-wala
One more pain in the ass. They come back after a long stint. They hate every thing indian. Indian street food: unhygenic. Indian subordinates: lazy slobs. Indian actresses: unclassy. Once back to india, they try to change the system. They will get scandalized when you ask for the dvd he bought last week, "copyrights!"
They will hate it when u use torrents to download software and movies.
Then he starts with the Indian pay. Then he slowly starts getting converted back. After an year or so you cannot recognize him as an NRI.

The "product based company" techie
One more ripoff. Product based douchebag. The good thing is that they always earn more than their services based inferior counter-parts. The bad thing is that they think so.
Once in, they realize that no one in the team actually has an onsite opp. They will proudly claim "onsite is not our ambition".Secretly they are jealous of the services based douchbags who go out once a while and also manage to earn more than them.
The advantage is that they can explain their work to non-IT people easily as products are better known. They think by being in products, they will know the cutting edge bullshit. Sooner or later they realize that actually the "IDC" is basically a legacy version maintenance team or worse a end-of-life support team. Except the better biscuits in the pantry and the fancier diwali gift, the benefits are fast dwindling.


The Company worshipper
This person sticks to the company because, the founder belongs to the same caste/ community. He has intense respect for the company. Usually he will justify any negative decisions taken by the company. He is the companie`s unofficial HR counsellor.

The EMI slave
One small mistake can change your life. In jawani ka josh, many people have bought houses so big, cars so huge and a lifestyle they cannot afford. Its like a drug. Here you want to get out, but you just cannot.
The salary is an instument to pay the EMI. Your life is an instument to get the salary.

The metro slave
The one who is addicted to the city life. The one who thinks that the pubs in the city are the ultimate solace (which is somewhat true). He is so addicted to buying stuff from the malls on his credit card, that he has lost all his bargaining skills to the dogs and cannot survive the brutal experience at the neighbourhood baniya.
Pure regional language makes him sick. It has to be hinglish. Pure english is also not ok.


The QA who wants to be a dev
Yaar I was good in coding. BE project also was actually coded by me. But my fate played a dirty game on me.
This guy will desperately try to get into the Dev team. The hr and the manger constantly show a ray of hope.  He is the one who will pick up the small scripting assignements. Scripting is also like coding na.. Thats what he thinks.
Someone must tell him that as long as he earns at par with other, theres no need to change himself. QA are the one which goes onsite more than others.

The dev who wants to get into management
He is the person who thinks that he is at the top of the world when he gets into the dev team. Just to realize that the daily dev work is usually as monotonous as the ticket seller in the theatre. He is usually disillusioned by the fact that even the technical decisions are actually taken by his management. Holy shit aint it. managers dont even know what it takes to churn out code. The real power looks to be in the hands of the management.
So he sacrifices all his free time ti study the crappy MBA notes of TIME institute. IIM is all what he dreams of. Never mind he actually ends up in IIPM instead.

The manager who wants to come back to "technical":
Being a manager seemed to be the destination. But once there, the realization that the sick leaves of the subordinates are just hangover leaves, the internet research is just ripping off code form codeguru. The constant threats of switching the company for higher pays. Damn wheres all the power! The techie days seem golden. The golden memories which seem difficult to get back. Till then make sure the prettiest of the chicks atleast join the team for a while :P


The support guys..
Screw the support guys. who cares about them anyway

12 comments:

- said...
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Abhishek said...

Can't paint it any better than this! Nice one! :)

Anvith said...

LOL..:D Sura..:D loved it..:D

Kiran said...

Nice One Sura!!! ek ek sur Barabar Lagaya Bhai!!! :)

Shilpi said...

Ways of life ...too well captured Mr Sura!!:)

Pooja said...

Hey Nice one...

Alok said...

Kickass read mate!!! Amazing!!!
I'm just wondered what mindset you were in when u wrote this?
there must be some kind of roaring agony in your heart or either you touched some kind of your major tickle nerve...
Lol

Unknown said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Unknown said...

Ek Number Don Sura !

roamingeek said...

#truestory

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