Saturday, January 30, 2010

The freeloaders guide to Galaxy

Me: Abbey! Apple ka naya iPhone aaya hai sirf  25000!
Rohit: Abbey chup! 25 Hazaar ke liye kidney bechnaa padega!

Me: Sunn! Honda civic ka naya model aaya hai sirf 10 lakh!
Rohit: Bupu ko bolna padegaa jameen bechde! Uss paise se civic lenge :D

Well most of the software engineers live like this only. Inspite of having fat salaries, during the last days of the month, we end up digging up our pockets for loose change. Well  I am in the same boat which has the same hole :P

Emergency fund
Well for those people who thought emergency meant something serious like hospitalization or folks in trouble, get a life .. we are techies..we dont fall ill we are immortal so no such issues with us unlike u losers :P
Well emergency is when a hot chick is coming along to the office trip and though you hate the venue/ people/both you become really excited for going there...
mebbe you could get a chance to talk to her
mebbe u can save her life
mebbe she is unsatisfied and seeks out for.... the possibilities are unlimited ... atleast thats what we think.
But but  but.... you realize that you dont have the cash and the bastard a.k.a. boss has booked a super expensive 5 thousand star hotel where even the waiters are better dressed than you:P
Tip: Have a reserve account for yourself for such emergencies, have an estimate and keep that amount safely.
e.g. our office guys usually book .5 star hotels (where the waiter cum manager cum receptionist cum owner is as badly dressed as u ) so 5k as an emergency fund is enough for me. I just checked my emergency account and it had 74 rupees in it (hey recession time pe joshi wadewale mein hi escapades chal jayegaa)

SIP: Well its not the Systematic investment plan! Its a decent version of the word SUCK. Well keep buying goodies for yourself, and use it in case someone asks for money.
Me: Hey Rohit give me my 4000 rupees back!
Rohit: Hey you needed a new monitor na .. come home and take it :) (that was a sweet innocent smiley) anyway a new monitor will be 7500 and i am not even using mine
Me: (thinking are waah! kaam ho gaya in profit... so i hop off to his place.. only to see that its an old 15 inch CRT monitor with stains on the glass which i was sure was from some specific pervert actions
Rohit: Hey take it .. its all yours now :) (thats a cunning smiley which says kaisa chootiya banaaya)
Tip: Well make sure that the things u buy look expensive (mebbe like a pearl necklace from tulshibaug which you can claim to be the nizam`s third wifes second daughters favourite possesion.)
Try to finalize the deal with the victim thinking its a killer deal without showing the actual thing
Rohit : arey mera 200 GB ka hard disk bhi leke jaa
Me: (too greedy ...immediately snatch it and realizing later that it does not work properly)

Udhaari : Well we all know it we all do it. We working class techies depend on udhari for half of our expenses till marrriage ..(and full expenses after marriage)
Tip: Flexi emi, personal loan, take whatever loan ..try to balance it with the amount taken frm friends and family. Cos those people might need back the money soon and we may have no intention of returning the money sooon.

Reverse udhari:  Well this method takes the cake. Whenever you have money give it on udhaari. When you need money.. vasooolofy the money. The catch is you should be good in vasooling money else you might end up being f`ed  in the a.
Me: Mera 4000 ruppees de wapas
Rohit: Abbey hard disk aur monitor diyaa naa
Me: Chup saale mujhe paison ki zaruurat hai.. tera credit card de de
Then i Happily used the card for a month blew up much more amount than he had taken..did not return the difference. Now the card is confiscated by his gf.

decency ka faayda:Aadmi kitna bhi haraami ho.. usually he acts decent in front of his girl. Thats the basic instinct men have that is to be exploited. From professors checking journals with leniency when there is a girl around to...
Those were the days when i did not have cash left. The credit card was lying with rohits girl friend. Ab kyaa
 pantry ke coffe biscuits se pet bharo. in other words ... goo khao
Then one fine day i was hanging around with a couple, and that couple was making plans for a dinner at a nice place. They were decent enough to invite me . I was indecent enough to tag along. feast! feast! starter soup main course desert... the four course meal made an intercourse with the bill
And the 'cheque' came ... mebbe they call it cheque because they know that no one will have the cash to pay their bill .. And the cheque came... I offered to pay.. main main... The guy ... fullto macho macho offered to pay for my machi .. theeke i said :) (the same smiley which means goo khao ab)
Tip: The guy was Rohit.

Treat: Well everybody has their birthday once a year... so just keep the date in mind.. that is the day when you wont be denied a party. Someone or the other gets a promotion(partyy!!)... if the person is such a loser that he does not get a promotion...he will soon get a new job (partyyy!!) if he is such a retard that he does not get a new job... soon he will get admission to an MBA college (party!!)
... after MBA.. if he gets a job (partyyy)... u got my point right ;)