Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Save tigers campaign a.k.a Get rid of Shrutis dog campaign

Recently some company known as Aircel came up with a campaign "Save Tigers". It is so lame. Aircel . That name itself is so lame. It looks like Airtels duplicate brand. Have you ever been to roadside shops where you see brands like Nokai, Samsing and Soni? It looks frm those breeds. And above that that save tigers campaign.The tiger shown in the ad is also duplicate. It roars and all comes out is a "meow".. Meow!! did the dubbing people go on strike? It looked as they dyed a domestic cat and kaam chalaoed.
The save tigers campaign is so lame: It actually creates awareness thats its so precious now. So as a typical human being, a typical human being would try to lay hands on it. But as a typical human being would crap his pants hearing the roar of a tiger... so he would try to buy one, hoping that its rate would increase. And its food can be easily taken care of. There are 1411 tigers left all over india, but there are more than 1411 stray dogs in my area itself. One dog per day and the tiger would be sooo happy.
The next part of my proposal:
Shrutis dog.
Yes shruti has a dog, which is a miniature pom.She wants to sell it. And she claims that its just 2 weeks old. I dont belive her at all. Miniature pom wil lbe small all his life. So mebbe its 2 years old and shruti got bored of it and before going for MBA, she wants to get rid of it. I should be in FBI.

miniature pom: yeah its such a loser thing. First of all Poms are irritating.. and now this mini pom. His name is Scooby. First of all his name should have been scrappy (cos thats the small one). But yeah the song fits him na...Scooby dooby doo where are u .... cos its so small u cannot find it.
A miniature pom is not even so small that it can be used as a chihuahua accessory. It may fit in the bhaaji bag. But that bastard might eat off the bhaji too.
A mini pom might not even guarantee you safety. You buy dogs for safety (if not as an accessory). Its supposed to hand over its ass to the robber before he gets to your. But a mini pom, the robber might not even see it and step over it and kill it in an instant... then its ur ass.
An untrained mini pom: The dog is supposed to be 2 weeks old. so its not potty trained. so it will crap all over your house. But most worrying part is its poop size.
My defense: imagine you get a chick home and are just going to make out. After many many days.
Chick: "janeman bahut dino se mujhe tadpaaya hai"
You: "yeah baby lets..."
Background sound: Turrrrrr
Actually that sound was actually made by a moving chair. But as your mini pom crapped all over the place, and its mini poop, you cannot even see it without a microscope to clean it. It just smells like crap.
Chick: "Chee! Paad mari ke! koi aur time nahi milaa thaaa! jao mera mood kharaab ho gaya hai!!"
See!! your personal life can be as devastating as that!!
Now as I generated enough hatred against miniature poms,

My actual proposal to save tigers:
Main strategy: Instead of giving more focus to the tigers, the concept is to move the attention from tigers. Or make tigers uncoool.
Strategy1: Spread rumours
Spread rumors that eating mini pom meat will enhance your virility. And as even women have lots of buying power today...spread that Kareena got her size zero by eating Mini pom salaami sandwiches. You can spread the word by planting in agents in bars and pubs.
Agent: You know after this beer i am gonna bang 2 women. But thats cos i need to go to office tomo other wise....
Aam janta: wat wat wat!! most of us are gonna go home.. go to desibaba and wank off and sleep. How come you are so lucky! And ur face is soo baaad and u are so cheao that u are drinking fosters cos its 1+1 free!
Agent: hehe yeah... thats cos of the Mini pom-Mega effect powder I take ;)

Strategy 2: Make tiger hunting look gay
Yeah have you ever observed why only men go for hunting while the women of the house stay in home making cookies? yeah. We will photoshop a group of hunters having a gay orgy after tiger hunting and will float it through the time tested MMS channel. It will surely reach the corporate boardroom to every kid in school. After that who wants to hunt anyway?

Strategy 3:Make more bizzare species
Mini pom itself is soo bizzare. If mini pom can do so much of magic. How about Micro pom and.... Nano Pom!!
The Tigers of the world .. the messiah has arrived!!

Saturday, January 30, 2010

The freeloaders guide to Galaxy

Me: Abbey! Apple ka naya iPhone aaya hai sirf  25000!
Rohit: Abbey chup! 25 Hazaar ke liye kidney bechnaa padega!

Me: Sunn! Honda civic ka naya model aaya hai sirf 10 lakh!
Rohit: Bupu ko bolna padegaa jameen bechde! Uss paise se civic lenge :D

Well most of the software engineers live like this only. Inspite of having fat salaries, during the last days of the month, we end up digging up our pockets for loose change. Well  I am in the same boat which has the same hole :P

Emergency fund
Well for those people who thought emergency meant something serious like hospitalization or folks in trouble, get a life .. we are techies..we dont fall ill we are immortal so no such issues with us unlike u losers :P
Well emergency is when a hot chick is coming along to the office trip and though you hate the venue/ people/both you become really excited for going there...
mebbe you could get a chance to talk to her
mebbe u can save her life
mebbe she is unsatisfied and seeks out for.... the possibilities are unlimited ... atleast thats what we think.
But but  but.... you realize that you dont have the cash and the bastard a.k.a. boss has booked a super expensive 5 thousand star hotel where even the waiters are better dressed than you:P
Tip: Have a reserve account for yourself for such emergencies, have an estimate and keep that amount safely.
e.g. our office guys usually book .5 star hotels (where the waiter cum manager cum receptionist cum owner is as badly dressed as u ) so 5k as an emergency fund is enough for me. I just checked my emergency account and it had 74 rupees in it (hey recession time pe joshi wadewale mein hi escapades chal jayegaa)

SIP: Well its not the Systematic investment plan! Its a decent version of the word SUCK. Well keep buying goodies for yourself, and use it in case someone asks for money.
Me: Hey Rohit give me my 4000 rupees back!
Rohit: Hey you needed a new monitor na .. come home and take it :) (that was a sweet innocent smiley) anyway a new monitor will be 7500 and i am not even using mine
Me: (thinking are waah! kaam ho gaya in profit... so i hop off to his place.. only to see that its an old 15 inch CRT monitor with stains on the glass which i was sure was from some specific pervert actions
Rohit: Hey take it .. its all yours now :) (thats a cunning smiley which says kaisa chootiya banaaya)
Tip: Well make sure that the things u buy look expensive (mebbe like a pearl necklace from tulshibaug which you can claim to be the nizam`s third wifes second daughters favourite possesion.)
Try to finalize the deal with the victim thinking its a killer deal without showing the actual thing
Rohit : arey mera 200 GB ka hard disk bhi leke jaa
Me: (too greedy ...immediately snatch it and realizing later that it does not work properly)

Udhaari : Well we all know it we all do it. We working class techies depend on udhari for half of our expenses till marrriage ..(and full expenses after marriage)
Tip: Flexi emi, personal loan, take whatever loan ..try to balance it with the amount taken frm friends and family. Cos those people might need back the money soon and we may have no intention of returning the money sooon.

Reverse udhari:  Well this method takes the cake. Whenever you have money give it on udhaari. When you need money.. vasooolofy the money. The catch is you should be good in vasooling money else you might end up being f`ed  in the a.
Me: Mera 4000 ruppees de wapas
Rohit: Abbey hard disk aur monitor diyaa naa
Me: Chup saale mujhe paison ki zaruurat hai.. tera credit card de de
Then i Happily used the card for a month blew up much more amount than he had taken..did not return the difference. Now the card is confiscated by his gf.

decency ka faayda:Aadmi kitna bhi haraami ho.. usually he acts decent in front of his girl. Thats the basic instinct men have that is to be exploited. From professors checking journals with leniency when there is a girl around to...
Those were the days when i did not have cash left. The credit card was lying with rohits girl friend. Ab kyaa
 pantry ke coffe biscuits se pet bharo. in other words ... goo khao
Then one fine day i was hanging around with a couple, and that couple was making plans for a dinner at a nice place. They were decent enough to invite me . I was indecent enough to tag along. feast! feast! starter soup main course desert... the four course meal made an intercourse with the bill
And the 'cheque' came ... mebbe they call it cheque because they know that no one will have the cash to pay their bill .. And the cheque came... I offered to pay.. main main... The guy ... fullto macho macho offered to pay for my machi .. theeke i said :) (the same smiley which means goo khao ab)
Tip: The guy was Rohit.

Treat: Well everybody has their birthday once a year... so just keep the date in mind.. that is the day when you wont be denied a party. Someone or the other gets a promotion(partyy!!)... if the person is such a loser that he does not get a promotion...he will soon get a new job (partyyy!!) if he is such a retard that he does not get a new job... soon he will get admission to an MBA college (party!!)
... after MBA.. if he gets a job (partyyy)... u got my point right ;)