Wednesday, October 7, 2009

The Turning Brain

Rohit (In bihari accent): Abbey pehli baar train mein jaa rahe ho kyaa?
Well I have been travelled in train many many times... But yes this is the first time I will be in a train with an eye for details :P
Well i went to hyderabad last weekend. The journey is just of 11 hours. That has made sure that the article wont be much long :P

Leching at hotties
Aadat se majboor.... Well usually ur mom knows what an awara kind u are. Thats why usually we all act sober and sajjanish when she`s around. But weekend pe holiday crowd thaa.... I could not resist...I came up with a way to lech when some hottie is around.
Well if the chick is at ur 1 o`clock (guys know what i am saying).. then start a sweep scan from 9` o clock towards 1. when u reach 1 ...make it sloww....get some nain sukh..(or do some chakshu chodhan as rohit calls it) and then continue till 3. This way no one notices that you actually turned ur head for that lass :P

Seat kiska hai
Well the booking was done on my debit card (proud proud). When we reached our cubicle (I dunno what its called in train lingo) one more guy came and rested his ass on my seat. Shit! mebbe my balance was not enough that they cancelled my ticket (mebbe it was part of the 3% cut :P). It had once happened to a frnd of mine. He boarded the train on the wrong date and was fighting with the right guy! I did not want to be a fool.. So I checked the printout again. Everything allright. I asked him to check his. everything allright he said :( . I wish I was more spendthrift. He wished there were fewer idiots in the world. Gooo Khaa!!! I snatched the paper from him and checked it.. The seat no was right :( but the compartment was not... hheeehaww.. hadd haaddd haad :)

Its a its a Four!
I was looking out of the window and some come came to me and clapped loudly. I saw it was a beggar. I said 'naaah'. That person yelled at me: "Kyaa re chakke ko paisa nahi deta!"
Dude ! that person was looking like a woman. proper woman. Anyway I shoooed her/him/it away. But the wierdest eunuch ever met :P
Then I heard another clap and turned around only to get the biggest shock of my life! L&T ka chakka!!! Dude it was getting creeepy now.... Then I realized that the guy in the L&T teeshirt was just laughing with his frnds and clapped while laughing. Sheeeeesh

Wari gone haywire
In the space near the door there was one warkari sitting on the floor. Plain simple humble guy with meagre belongings. I was waiting for my turn in the loo. One chai waala came and payed due respect to the warkari and was chatting with him. He enquired where he was going and then warned him that dude the train is going to Hyderabad and not Pandharpur. His words were 'Ram ram ram' His expression said "Holy shit what to do now!". The dude kept on moving in circles wondering what to do only to sit back wherever he was hanging out before and got off at the next station.

Tales of the tatti
Well finally my turn came and I went into the loo... The train was moving (obviously) in jerks and I had a hard time doing the job. There is actually a handle to hold on (No dont hold the other one. Its called the flush and if ur luck is bad it will give u a shower too).
I remembered my childhood. I was taken to a park where one guy was giving horse rides. I cried till my dad put me on the horse. I cried very loudly till he got me off the horse. It was a terrible experience. The horse was moving like crazy and i held on anything i could lay my hands on.
My response was: "Bhaiinchoodd"
But my vocabulary only allowed me to say... "waaaaaaaa"
It was same here. The only difference was that I was also doing something more. Or mebbe during the horseride I crapped my pants too :P dont remember.

The bad thing abt hyderabad is that all the meters in the autorickshaws are fucked. So you have to negotiate and bargain for every ride. In case you are like me who does not know which place is far and which is near, you will be ripped off in each and every ride. I had to go to a place everyday and I realized that it takes 12 bucks to reach there (After paying 40,30,20 and finally one meter was working which said 12 is the amt). One day when I stopped a rickshaw and asked how much for 'Paradise circle' he said 5 rupeees...
Ek number!! All my losses would be recovered now!! Heehawww...
I jumbed into it... Only to realize that one fat lady entered from the other side and two chillar pillar (kids) hopped in behind me.
I thought may be they thought they have stopped it. The driver started the rickshaw. "Bhaiiya ruko main utartaa hoon"
Driver: Kyon saab?
Me: (Trying to a gentleman) Yeh lady aur bacchon ko jaane do.
Driver: Nahi ..baith jao
Me (puzzzled): Aise kaise?
Driver: Saahab yeh rickshaw sher hai

(For the dumbfucks he meant "yeh shared rickshaw hai")

I am waiting for my next trip to ... well anywhere

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