Saturday, September 5, 2009

Saath ghanta saat beer

The background... well if u have read my previous posts you must have already realized what kind of situation our team is in. With a test release around the corner, the list of pending tasks wasnt showing any signs of getting shorter..in fact it was increasing with more and more critical bugs. And on top of that our development team was reduced by 33% !! (ok ok we have 3 developers.. it became two :D)... so this was the mountain .. let me take you on a trek.

The tasks
The situation was such that everyone knew that the release had to be delayed. Actually its our tradition. (Once the release was delayed by 6 months). When the scheduling was being done.. I was changing a critical piece of code (really) and hence I could not be a part of discussion. I kept hearing words like "very difficult" "delay" "will take time"..."will be done".. wait a min it was "will be done!" wtf ... So by giving a committment we had both got ourselves into a ditch.(now onwards i will refer to the situation as 'ditch'). It was completely suicidal...Holy shitttttt
It was Wednesday Morning.

The main advantage of being in a ditch is that people are too scared to give out their hand for help. They might as well end up in the ditch. So the entire decision taking power rests with you.

Foodie food
This is a serious problem man. During the early night you will forget to have food. Later you will start getting hunger pangs and once its past 1130 all the damn restaurants are closed. Each and every single place is closed. We had to go to Pune railway station to have food. I have a habit of honking in the parking cos there are lots of blind turns. I just did not realize that its 3a.m. The watchman who was sleeping peacefully woke up with a shock and whistled as a reflex action.
Rohit: "Abbey woh mast mooh khol ke so gaya thaa.. kyon haram panti kar raha!"

We reached that place. We had a big design issue in our mind. Whole time we were discussing it. At that time we could not think of anything else than designing. Deadline was our topmost priority. Then we saw few superhot chicks. My mind was in the gutter (as usual ) and I asked Rohit,"dude what if these chicks ask us out and say that they wanna have some fun ;) ". The answer I got was: "Toh bhad mein gaya project!" Crap ... so our only weakness was - Hot chicks asking us out. As the probability of the event was close to zero, we came back to office to code more :(

Shit Surfing
One incident. While coming back from comesum, we were diverted from the usual route due to the ongoing ganesh visarjan. The new route taken was below the Z bridge. We were going and going then I realized that the no one was following us not there was anyone ahead of us. The road on which we were going was a kuttcha road with lots of mud in it. Actually it was sewage. sewage means shit and everything ka paste. It was stinking like hell. I told rohit, Bhai iske atak gaye toh bahut ganda hoga... The sewage became deeper and deeper. I started losing control of my car. It started gliding left and right. Dude we were literally in deep shit. somehow we came out of it safely.

The world (office) is ur baap ka maal
Literally. When no one else is around everything is yours. There is a sidey saying in hindi.. "biwi aur gaadi ....dusre ko doge toh chud ke hi aati hai!". Well i know its tasteless but its right. Though we got hold of someone elses things rather than wives (sob). We were playing songs loudly. We had headphones which we kept on desk with max volume. We wanted more volume. Engg ka keeda toh we already have... Rohit devised a speaker with 2 coffee mugs and headphones with which we were able to hear the songs really really louder. "Damru" we named it. But that headphone belonged to someone else. When that guy came in the morning and saw it.. he got a heart attack"Dude Do you know how much it costs!". We burst out into an evil laughter and said ... "uska damru ban gaya".

We wanted to sit comfortably and code. we wanted a sofa in our cubicle. Company does not provide such a facility. There is an awesome sofa kept in the common area. We decided to get it in the cubicle. We measured the width and thought it will fit in the cubicle`s door. We picked up the huge thing and got it at the cubicle. That bloody thing was not going inside. The only way was to lift it over the cubicle. There is a security cam inside the office space. Though we did not know if someone monitors it ... we gave up. :(

Glory at last Well the coding was really challenging. We were facing so many problems which we never saw. Slowly one by one each and every problem was solved. We were continuously working for 40 hours by now. Rohit started to take a build. I was waiting to test it out. It usually takes 15 mins. I became quite numb and by the time i realized.. it was past an hour... "Kyaa huaa re?", i yelled.

Not really
"Build break ho gaya..".With a build not getting made... We saw few things that were goofed up. we again started working on it. Again brainstorming on what should be done and what actually must have gone wrong. Lots of tweaks later, the build was in place. Later I was regressing a piece of code. It involved complex calculations and visualizations for each case. There were couple of hundred cases. Screwed up. What was scary was that in case anything failed, we had to change the code and test the whole thing again.
One case failed. I halted the testing. I had been doing multitasking. I finished up the other work. Once it had happened that this particular thing failed. Actually I had miscalculated a case and had wrong checks. I prayed that this time also that would be the case. After finishing up the tasks, I took this thing again, recalculated the case and ..pheww... It was me who had goofed up. The same thing happened couple of times. Couple of times my heart missed a beat. Finally it was bug freee :)

Friday Night and 60 hours over :)
Chill out ....

Well even after the work was over we had to hang around. The build was given to the testers and in case there was some shit detected, we wanted to be there to fix it and give another build immediately. Till the end of the day we were totally mindfucked. I suggested that we go to apache and have a beer. It was 1030. The places close at 1130. Hence he suggested that we buy stuff and hit the highway. "Coool"
I suggested that we should avoid the highway as it is regularly patrolled by the police. Lets go to pirangut side! Went zoomed off to that area... I asked Rohit to watch out for a spot where we can park. Due to the rains it was all muddy everywhere. Finally we reached the ghats. Rohit asked me to stop on the left. I said nooo. Ghats are heavily patrolled as the area is famous for crimes. No way. I had seen a road on the left. So we went there.
It was a hilly area.Totally calm and quite. Not even one soul apart from us. The sky was starless. Not even one. Even the normal Pole star was shagging its way to glory at that time. We could see the city lights far away. The weather was pleasant with lots of fog. Believe me it was one of the best moments of my life. Satisfied with the work , awesome weather and beer. Sweeeeeet.
We had few beers inside the car. We talked and talked. Things about life. Things about attitude. Things about the future.
Then the awesome surrounding lured us out. With a bottle in hand we came out. It had just rained. we were walking and talking. If you are reading this and you can meet me in person. I would definitely like to take you there.
Then we decided to return back to car.While coming back, I saw a vehicle coming towards us. It had a blinking thing on its top. "Dude we are fucked! That was the last thing I wanted! ". We had thrown lots of bottles just outside the car. The vehicle stopped near our car. Few policemen got down. We were half a kilometer away. I was praying that they just buzz off. But the area was so secluded that there was no reason a car would be parked there. The police van was still there.
We immediately threw the bottles in our hands. While going towards our cars we were deciding what to say.
Kartik: "Dude were we drinking?"
Rohit: "No. We are just roaming around"
Kartik:"How much cash do you have?"
Rohit:"100"
Kartik:"I have 300. The money is not enough for drinking in a public place."
The official punishment is 2500 fine (not bad)one night jail (very bad). And as we were outside the city limits, the rural police will flash this across and we will be in the newspapers.
"Two techies caught drunk outside city limits". Fuck.
Kartik:"Dude speak marathi. Hide your bihari accent else we are definitely fucked."
Rohit:"See maybe he will take us to the police station for tests. Just be calm and lets do whatever he orders."
Kartik: "ya right"
We went to our car. The cops thundered, "what are u doing here at this time?"
We: (Now I dont remember who said what among us) "Sir, after finishing our job we came to chill"
Police:"Job!! dont give me that shit. Is this the time and place to be?"
There were two policemen. Rohit was talking to one guy and I was handling the formalities.
I prayed that he did not have a breathalyzer or did not sniff my breath. He was asking our addresses. I was giving my name and address.
I was so drunk that by mistake I gave my old house address. I had just realized that in case he verifies the address, I am screwed.
By that time rohit was convincing how were were actually been working since 60 hours continuously.
Police: "Arrre Manager ka sar phodnekaa naa!"
Then he came to me. He said "Saale barabar naam patta de raha hai naa?"
He then ordered the other policeman to verify.
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Man no wayyyy.
Before he asked me to call up my parents or something, I opened my wallet. (Basically to display cash and lure him). I saw my old crumpled licence. I just remembered that it still had the same old address. I showed it to him. It is a official govt document. He told his senior. "Naam Patta Baraabar hai"
He then looked at us and thundered "In case anything goes wrong here, you will be held responsible."
"Two techies caught drunk outside city limits" is soo much better than
"Two techies caught caught for murder outside city limits" or worse
"Two techies caught caught for rape outside city limits"
Fine, I said. He ordered us into our car and asked us to buzz off... By this time we chilled out a bit. Rohit said that we should go back and pick up the bottles. I said "Nahi, we will buy some more."
So we were on the way back looking out for open shops. We finally found a restaurant which sold us beer at a premium price. We went back to our car , inside and finished it off peacefully.

Then on the way back home, rohit asked "Bhai coffee pilaoge? mera paisa khatam ho gaya hai."
"Sure" I said and we went to the 24 hr CCD and had a hot cup of coffee. Then I dropped him at his place, and went home and dropped off on my bed.