Sunday, June 7, 2009

Mythbusters- IT folks

After lots of meet ups with my non-IT friends, relatives, strangers, rickshaw wallahs, etc etc I noticed that the moment you say that you are an IT guy, they have already made some assumptions about you.

Myth #1: If you are not in the four biggies ...u are a loser
Auntyji :"Beta, kaunsa tent?"
Me: "Persistent! Aunty I work in Persistent. "
Aunty:"Tumko Info*** mein nahi mila kya?" (in short: "tum second grade gadha ho")
Then I have to make efforts to tell them how I actually work for a much better company. In case the opposite person is technologically sane then I give him some product development 'maaz' (arrogance).

Myth #2: If you havent been onsite ...u are a loser
Uncle: "Tum do saal se IT company mein kaam kar rahe ho na?"
Me: (tighening my collar..head high) "Haan uncle ...bas ..."
Uncle: "Tum videsh nahi gaye?"
Me: "Nahi uncle project mein requirement nahi hai onsite kaa"
Uncle: "Lekin woh bunty ko toh maanna padegaa... engg mein 2nd class milaa...fir bhi usne jamke mehnat ki aur usse company ne USA bheja!"

Aaaha! thats the problem. People think that only the smarty pants are sent on site while the loser ones are the people left behind in India. So the assumption is that if you haven't been on site then you don't work hard nor you have any sincerity and .. ok that's enough for now.

Myth #3 You can fix any computer..and calculator (that's a ghati computer) and clocks too
Most of the computer engineers around must have at least once gone to a friends place only to fix his /her comp. The task can be from installing a software ( finish) to fixing a computer which gives electric shocks when its metal areas are touched.
Once I tried to play the problem down by saying "are woh toh simple sa kaam hai". My friend trapped me by saying "badhiyaa! toh kab aa raha hai ?"

Myth #4: You have lots of money
Once I met up with my friends from school ..from various fields. I just mentioned that it is such a pain to go to office nowadays and said that I wanted to buy a car.
Friend1: "what problem do u have man .. u are an IT waala"
Friend2: "Tu toh Honda CRV le saktaa hai"
Me: "CRV!! aabey CRV kyaa mere pass VCR lene ka paisa nahi hai"
Even after 5 minutes of convincing them that i did not have the required 'aukaat' they weren't getting convinced.

Myth #5: Coding means sitting in front of the computer
During my college days , my classmate had an encounter with a guy from mechanical dept:
Mech guy: "Your Computer engineering is a big nautanki.... four years you learn the same grey dabba... and all you ppl do is sit nicely in front of that dabba and punch the keys"

Well I dont completely disagree :P

Myth #6: You are a loser anyway
Yes somehow people have hell lot of 'issues' with IT folks.
IT guy = you aren't health conscious and eat junk all the time and have a big fat pot belly. (Even if u dont have they will accuse you of sucking in your tummy just to hide it.
IT guy= you are a philanderer and ..... leave it :D
IT guy = you don't respect traditions and have lots of arrogance

Well give us a break !

NOTE: Now I realized that I have almost never tried to prove any myth false. The name of the post should be renamed to Mythboosters instead :D

Thursday, June 4, 2009

"Barbar"ic encounter

I don't understand why I try to come up with spoof like titles and screw them up. Well recently someone had posted an article on her experience in a beauty parlor on woman`s day. After reading that, I decided to observe more when I go to my parlor for a haircut. Well I did not get any discount or anything. Mebbe because it would spell doom for his business (I mean the other 364 days are supposed to be Men`s day).

OK OK. I don't go to any parlor sharlor. I usually cut my hair in a sidey men`s saloon. More salary cuts and you will find me getting my hair cut under some tree. Hmm fine let me admit that it has nothing to do with the cuts but I am cheap by default and find spending 500 for a haircut in a designer saloon a bit too much.

So after a tiring day in the office I entered the saloon. The walls were painted in a gaudy blue color. One of the tubelight was flickering and the radio was blaring with hindi songs. "Thoda rukna padegaa sahab,20-30 minutes" said the man. I turned into my smarty pants avtaar and threatened him "Theeke main jaa raha hu" and started leaving the shop, super slowly and thinking "abbey rukaa na mujhe". My smarty plan worked and he gave in by promising to attend me within 5 minutes.

Well for 20-30 minutes I waited for my turn (damn my smarty avtaar :( ). There were couple of newspapers and magazines thrown in. I wonder why do there people like 'police times' so much. I am shocked that we have so many snuff fans around. Also there were lots of Filmfare and stardust mags around. So after enough of leching at lots of 'heroines' (actress is not a cool term to use here), I ran out of patience and screamed at him "boss aapne 5 minute bola tha!" (Yeah you have to call him boss, dada and what not to make him happy). He smiled at me and said "bas abhi aaphi ka turn hai" (translation: "kaise ullu banaaya").

So I went and sat on the chair which looked not less than a throne. The barber assigned to me came. His hairstyle was resembling Anil kapoor`s. When I looked around I was surprised to see posters of sanjay dutt, anil kapoor stuck up. He saw me looking at them and said "Wahi toh hai asli hairstyle..gaya woh zamaana..". he added, "Aaj kal ke bacche kuch bhi karte hain ispikes, istraightening...dhatt ". That time I realized that I had come to a wrong place.

"Mujhe Saadha cut chahiye". Yes, saadha cut is a type of cut which does not fit in the categories of ispikes, istraightening, anil kapoor, sanjay dutt ,etc etc. He then covered me in a filthy cloth which was supposed to protect me from my own hair (while i could see duniya bhar ka hair on it). His scissors moved swiftly and within some minutes he was done. Then he loaded his vastara (razor) with a brand new blade (or so I thought). While shaving I moved a bit and he grunted "HMMM!!". I was reminded of the scene in andaaz apna apna "Babulal kaan sambhaal ke kaato".

There was a small kid beside me who was scared to death and was wailing. My barber was getting irritated (and I was getting scared of the barber). Finally he got pissed enough and ... and he increased the volume of the radio!

After he was done with me, he opened a drawer filled with cosmetics. I was busy making faces at that kid. Puff puff ..he dusted some talc on my face...and mind it koi aisa waisa talc nahi "Sona Talcum Powder". I was looking like a clown. "Yeh kyaa kiaa!" I screamed. Phuss Phuss came in a spray of water and I was startled and washed clean instantly. Before he could get a chance to use his "Vicky turmeric cream" and "Zeeba after shave lotion" I got up to leave. "Abhi tak huaa nahi hai sahab maalish baaki hai".
Then for few minutes he massaged my head. I swear that was a soothing experience especially after a long day. Then I got up, paid him 30 bucks and left his shop. Though it was cheap like ... well there is no comparison i can think of :P . All for 30 bucks it was worth it :)