Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Heir to be hairless

Ok I agree that the title isnt really funny. I am among the unfortunate few people whose jeans are responsible for their receding hairline(I know its genes..I am not that dumb...dont just go to my prev post on screwed up english and post a link to this article).

Receding hairline will mean
I will be offered Alok Nath kind of roles only in case I join films :P
Neighborhood kids will call me "Uncle".
I will miss the freebies offered with hair products (yeah i buy them only for the free stuff)

But it will have advantages too like:
People around will think that I am the Project lead or something.
I might get a salute or two from the guard who usually does not give a damn.
People might make efforts to make place for me in the lift.
I read in the papers last week that bald men are a big turn on... (oh no i forgot who that chick was ....)

Well there was a time when I used to try to avoid this phenomena by trying out everything possible....yeah almost
Experiment #1: Ayurveda
One well wisher friend (i have two kind of frnds ..one who is well wisher and other who wishes the well for me) suggested that I should try this special ayurvedic oil. Its super formula is supposed to bring back my lost glory. wooohooo!! I immediately got one and opened it and....yuck yuckie yuck... It was so stinky that I immediately knew how this actually worked:
The secret is:
You feel bald when others call u bald.
So Put something that makes sure that there is no one will dare to come closer than 10 meters to you.
No people around so no one will call u bald.
No one will call u bald so u wont feel bald.
Formula successful!!!

Experiment #2: Yoga
One day I was channel surfing and somehow i got hooked on to a saint like person doing some acrobatics. Later on he was talking something about hair. Woohoo!! (again)
"Rub your nails against each other and the hair will grow!", he said.
In the evening I discussed the technique with my friends. I asked them whether they ever tried such stuff. "Nahiiiiiii!" screamed one frnd...He recollected his trauma, "Yaar, Maine woh technique use kiya... Sar pe toh nahi poora badan pe baal aagaya! ab full bhalu ban gaya main". Thank god for the timely intervention!
Their secret:
We know for sure that there are some nerve endings near the nails which connect to the hair.
We dont know for sure which finger nail is for the head.
Keep rubbing and in case you know which nail is the exact one...write to us. You will get a gift hamper containing 15 authentic herbs.

Experiment #3: The Internet
Well internet is supposed to be THE answer. Well after hitting some crappy websites which actually wanted to sell their stuff (i.e. it actually qualified for the above two) I finally came across a good website which explained the causes of hair loss, the symptoms, the proper diet recommended, everything. Woohoo!!! (or so i thought)
The last point they mentioned was.. Hair loss in men is mainly hereditary and nothing much can be done about it. so why not shave off the remaining stuff and sport a macho baldy look?

The last sentence they said made the difference. To hell with the hair. Though there is still quite a bit of hair on my head...I know what to do now :D

Sunday, May 24, 2009

God Save the Queen

Many times we have heavy influence of our mother tongue on English. We unknowingly say something when actually we want to say something else ... and it gives birth to such articles .... :D


Friend: Hey! Lets go and have snakes!!
Me: Abbey pata hai japan onsite jaana hai tujhe ......lekin uska matlab ye nahi ki tu kutta saap khaana chaalu kare!!
Friend: Abbey Snakes ke liye!! snakes!!!... I feel like eating pohe
My Tubelight: flick flick ting!
Me: Ohh snacks! aise bol na be ..chal chal


Friend#2: (Actually its the same frnd again but why to pull his leg so much)
I was waiting for him so that we could go somewhere. And he just comes.
Friend#2: Hey wait a second I need to go back to my house for a beg.
Me: Abbey @#$##$@! I know that charity begins at home but that does not mean that u should also beg at home!!
Friend#2: Yaar without a beg how will we have fun comfortably?? just a moment
Me (thinking): Tu IT engineer ka naam mitti mein milaa raha hai...whatever
After lots of moments ..yeah lots and lots of moments later he comes with a crumpled 'bag'
Me: (!!!)

Friend#3(This time he is really a different person)
Me: (Waiting again)...After getting frustrated I call him up to ask when will he bless us with his presence.
Friend#3: Yaar, Just a moment. I am taking a bath.I will come in five minutes.
Me (thinking): Eureka!! I always wondered how much a moment means... five minutes exactly...now i know.... But i did not let my friend know about this eureka chaap discovery ..I did not want him to come out and run on the streets naked..like Socrates did... no like Archimedes.

The following incident took place in our college.
The professor was teaching some stuff... and there was mention of laplace. (Laplace transformation something). The professor said "Lap Lace". Some smarty pants corrected him by telling him how it was actually "La Plaaace". Without wasting a moment (no not 5 mins) he said "I dont care whether I say it right or wrong. I am sure that Laplace wont be able to pronounce Phadkule (his name) properly"

Point proven.